I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
