maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
