Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
