i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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