69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We got so high we made milksteak
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
