Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
