Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
