and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
