So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
