are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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