yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize