The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
