I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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