Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
