Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
