just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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