i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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