then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize