before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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