I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
