is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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