I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
