scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
