from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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