you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
