Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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