White coat. Heels.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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