I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize