Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
