His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
