dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
