Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
