I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
