So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
