I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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