Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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