i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
