Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
