My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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