It was confusing and full of hummus
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
