...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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