Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize