I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
