I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize