i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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