i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We need a shit load of segways right now
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
