i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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