btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
