We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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