remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
