maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
