Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
