he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
