do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
