Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i will never coherently bang her
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
