You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
