I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
