kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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