So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
