Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
