I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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