i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
