Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
