he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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