Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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