we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is it penis luge time yet?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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