Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
