well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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