Your mouth is God's brothel.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
