He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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