The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
