she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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